30th March 2009 wil be one date at the top of my list i will never forget, the day i was told my mum had fell asleep, deeply shocked as none of us knew just how ill she really was, devestated all these thoughts running through my mind at once: She had gone forever mum will never see me get married, she always used to say to me "Don't you dare run off and get married i want to and need to be there, to see my only daughter marry and i have to wear my big wedding hat" Now that is just a memory of what will never be. I sit sometimes even now and think to myself i am living a nightmare. So many things i never told her and should have, i should have told her many times how much she did really mean to me and how much i loved her so. I know she knew this but saying it is something you should do. Mum will never see my children grow into fine young men more my 8 month old son who sadly will never remember her. So many many things too many to list at this moment of time. Now all i have is memories etched inside my head and some photos, i guess that is something to hold onto though. Not the saem is it? I have lost many many family members and close frineds over the years, and the pain of losing someone is a pain unexplainable until it happens to oneself. Only now do i understand that